Sports

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Potatoes, popcorn and a rabbit
​walk into a story

“I don’t have enough rabbits.”

I couldn’t muster any pity for the man who said that. “I have your share,” I replied. Those rascally rabbits had finished their egg-hiding duties at Easter and were awaiting the appearance of the garden. Carrot nibblers are an important part of our culture.

Bugs Bunny, originally voiced by Mel Blanc, is known for his starring roles in the Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies animated films. A version of his character first appeared in the Warner Brothers cartoon “Porky’s Hare Hunt” in 1938 and the definitive incarnation of Bugs Bunny debuted in Tex Avery’s Oscar-nominated film “A Wild Hare” in 1940. Bugs spends his time tormenting Elmer Fudd and his catchphrase is “Eh, what’s up, doc?”

Br’er Rabbit (derived from Brother Rabbit) is an African-American folk figure who appeared in a collection of appropriated folktales called “Uncle Remus.” In one story, Br’er Rabbit leaves his briar patch and is caught in Br’er Fox’s trap, but escapes by tricking Br’er Bear into switching places by convincing him it was a job that paid a dollar a minute. He heads back to his briar patch as Br’er Bear and Br’er Fox fight.

The Energizer Bunny hopped into the spotlight in 1989 in a commercial where he drummed away while wearing flip-flops and sunglasses as it outlasted toys powered by other batteries. Peter Cottontail hopped down the bunny trail.

The man told me the lack of live bunnies bothered him so much he’d turned into a wind-up cymbal monkey that had eaten an entire bag of kettle corn. I don’t crave kettle corn. My palate isn’t an educated one. Caramel corn isn’t bad. I have some every couple of years and enjoy popcorn at the movies where I eat it under the cover of darkness while wearing earplugs to soften the loudness of a movie and diminish the noise of others eating popcorn. I’ll eat it at an occasional athletic event and I enjoy a box from Merrill’s Popcorn stand at a fair.

I’ve raised both potatoes and popcorn. Mr. T said, “I pity the fool who doesn’t enjoy a potato.” That was truncated to fit onto coffee mugs. If I moped around the kitchen wanting something to eat, my mother told me to take a cold potato and wait. A cold potato is OK, but there’s a reason that it’s not featured on the menu at McDonald’s. Planting potatoes on St. Patrick’s Day for a successful harvest is rooted in tradition. I’ve raised russet, red, white, yellow and blue/purple taters. In my boyhood home, meals had a predictable quality, they each had meat and potatoes.

Maybe that’s why I prefer potato chips over popcorn. I’ve spent a lot of time in hotel rooms with an unpleasant smell of microwaved popcorn for company without getting a chance to thank the previous guest for leaving it for me. I’ve never met a potato I didn’t like, as I enjoy mashed, baked, fried, scalloped, hash browns, bread, salad, tater tots and french fries. Chips would be near the bottom of my potato preference. A good number of years ago, I was in West Malling in the county of Kent (The Garden of England) when I encountered flavored crisps (chips are crisps and french fries are chips in the U.K.) including cheese & onion, prawn cocktail, beef & onion, Worcester sauce and tomato ketchup. It was a web of deceit. They were potato chips in disguise. I was disappointed my fish and chips didn’t come in an old newspaper. Something about it being an unhealthy practice. I don’t favor flavored potato chips or those shoestring things in a can.

When it’s crunch time, are you chippy or corny? There are arguments for both.

It was a potato famine, not a popcorn famine. Stringing potato chips for the Christmas tree is a bad idea. People get chips on their shoulders, not popcorn. Pouring butter on potato chips isn’t a good idea. Popcorn bags are full. Potato chip bags are not. That’s because eating a full one might kill you. Popcorn sticks in your teeth months after you’ve last eaten popcorn. There are popcorn chips. I’ve waited in line for forever and a day to buy my mother-in-law chocolate-covered potato chips. I wouldn’t do that for chocolate-covered popcorn.

Both popcorn and potato chips are better than cheese puffs. When you eat cheese puffs, you must wait for the orange dust to settle before inhaling. 

I enjoy raising potatoes and popcorn.

The rabbits I know don’t eat either.

© Al Batt 2021

1. What Pittsburgh Penguins goaltender set an NHL record for the longest unbeaten streak to begin a career, going 14-0-2 in his first 16 games during the 1996-97 season?

2. Left-handed pitcher Vida Blue won the AL Cy Young Award and was named AL MVP in 1971 as a member of what team?

3. What 7-foot 7-inch Romanian-born center played with the Washington Bullets (1993-97) and the New Jersey Nets (1998-2000)?

4. What boxer, known as the “Cincinnati Cobra,” amassed a 95-25-1 record in a pro career spanning 1940-59?

5. What three New York Yankees became the first players in MLB history to hit back-to-back-to-back home runs in the postseason when they did it versus the Cleveland Indians in Game 1 of the 1997 AL Division Series?

6. Cornelius “Dutch” Warmerdam held the world record in what athletic sport from 1940-57?

​7. In 1975, who became the first African-American golfer to play in Masters tournament?

1. Patrick Lalime.

2. The Oakland A’s.

3. Gheorghe Muresan.

4. Ezzard Charles.

5. Tim Raines, Derek Jeter and Paul O’Neill.

6. Pole vault.

​7. Lee Elder.

© 2021 King Features Synd., Inc.

The Iowa baseball team has been much hotter than the April weather. Coach Rick Heller’s Hawkeyes own a season best seven game winning streak after a double header sweep of Rutgers Saturday, 3-1 and 8-1, sparked by outstanding starting pitching from Drew Irvine and Cam Baumann. Irvine is a redshirt sophomore from Waukee. He tossed a complete seven inning game scattering six hits and lowering his ERA to 3.56. Irvine struck out five with no walks.

In the nightcap Baumann retired the first right hitters and pitched a complete game three hitter. Iowa’s allowed one earned run or fewer in the last six games. The Hawkeye’s win streak is their longest since 2019.

A nice crowd enjoyed the sunshine and Hawkeye football inside Kinnick stadium Saturday with the first of two scrimmages. It was the first public viewing of Coach Kirk Ferentz’s program since Covid struck in March of 2020. The hope is the venue will be allowed near full capacity by the time opening day arrives on September 4th when Iowa hosts Indiana and goes to work building on a six game win streak that ended last season. 

There will be a second free admission scrimmage when spring drills end Saturday May 1st. Free parking will be allowed on all hard surface lots in and around Kinnick stadium.

Pile the kids in the car and once again enjoy a day with the Hawks in Iowa City. 

Finally, congratulations and good luck to the Iowa women’s soccer team. The Hawkeyes and Wisconsin battled it out for the Big Ten Championship with Iowa winning their first Big Ten championship. Next up, it’s on  to the NCAA tournament.

​Have a great May.

Why a Boyhood  Friend was a 
​ “Very Clever” Teacher!

In my introduction, Maury, I mentioned that I was in ninth grade when I first played baseball in an organized league. Before that, at about age twelve or thirteen, we had a “neighborhood” team. One of my team mates, who was three years older, and “our leader,” taught me a lesson using simple psychology that I’ll never forget. What he taught me was related to baseball, but HOW he taught me is the important lesson to be learned. It was so simple and yet so effective. Grandpa thinks this can be applied to many things in life. 

Most young baseball players, no matter how talented, are “afraid” to catch a ball with a batter swinging at it directly in front of them. In other words, every player has a natural fear of “catching” until this fear is overcome. Once this fear is eliminated it’s gone forever. Anybody can do it, but most players remain afraid because there is no reason for them to learn to “catch” unless they want to be a catcher. (When grandpa says anybody can do it, I mean only overcoming the “fear” part – the position of catching requires many special talents and great intelligence). 

As I recall, it took less than twenty minutes for me to learn to not be “afraid” to catch because of the “psychology” my friend used with me. He handed me a catcher’s mask and said: “Somebody has to catch and it might as well be you!” He then had the pitcher throw while he was the batter, but told me he was going To Swing At Every Pitch But Purposely Miss The Ball! With this assurance I quickly learned to ignore the swinging bat and just routinely catch the ball. Becoming more and more confident I soon told him to start swinging AT the ball. Suddenly, it didn’t matter if he swung or not, hit the pitch or missed it! 

As you know, Maury, grandpa was a 3rd baseman and not a catcher! But to this day I remember my friend’s teaching method because, over the years, I was the only “non-catcher” on our ball club who could give our regular catcher, ”Big John”, a breather and “catch” team batting practice! 

​And, Maury, your mom and dad might be interested in knowing that my boyhood friend grew up to become a member of the teaching profession. Specifically, the last I heard, he retired as a High School principal in western Iowa. Hope you enjoyed this.

Love, Grandpa

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