Sports
Life is not a Super Bowl commercial
I had a stroke.
Now I have an excuse for not remembering someone’s name. I got up in the morning, walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I like to smile at the mirror every morning, so I’ll make at least one person smile each day. I took a gander. My odd reflection looked odder than usual. One side of my smile had a severe droop to it. A trip to the ER and an ambulance ride (with a few minor bumps in the road) to another hospital, which obligated me to tell 73 healthcare professionals (each of whom was an angel) my name and birthdate before they’d ask to see my smile. I spent a few days in the hospital and am on the mend. I recommend the aspirin suppository and the saline solution drip. The removal of countless sticky EKG electrodes allowed me to get something off my chest—hair. I’ve moved from taking no prescription drugs to taking enough to put my piggy bank on a rapid weight-loss program. My smile has returned. I’m happy to see it. Which brings me to the actual subject of my column. It was during the winter because I was perfecting my free-throw defense in basketball. Ice fishermen had started rumors of alligators and piranhas in St. Olaf Lake. They advised using stink bait to catch them. I needed to interview an older adult for a school assignment, focusing on questions about childhood, upbringing, education and significant historical moments, details about their daily life, hobbies, family traditions, what they’re most proud of, and insights into their perspective on the past compared to today. I wasn’t one to wait until the last minute. I waited until the day before it was due. I was a chronic overachiever. Anticipation hung in the air. Grandma was easy to find. It was back in the days when retired people stayed put. She lived in St. Benedict, Iowa, which was all downhill from my house. The town was tiny—barely a whole number. It would have been even smaller without Grandma. A rumor was that Grandma was once my age, but it was unsubstantiated. “Hi, Grandma, thanks for taking the time to chat with me today. Where were you born, what was your family like when you were growing up, and what’s your favorite childhood memory?” Grandma was a reluctant witness put on the stand to be grilled by the most masterful attorney since Perry Mason. I wanted answers, but she was determined not to divulge any family secrets. Her life hadn’t been all butterflies, hummingbirds, fireflies and bluebirds. She had a passel of kids, a battalion of grandchildren, and great-grandchildren galore, but I knew I was her favorite because she fondly referred to me as “Whatshisname.” Grandma proved slicker than a boiled onion. She dismissed my questions with a tut-tut. I learned nothing and forgot much of what I knew. She asked me how I knew she was telling the truth. I figured she’d used up her imagination, and I didn’t think grandmothers could lie. Here are my questions and Grandma’s answers. I asked her to tell me about the day my father was born. She said, “It was a hot June day. Or it might have been a cold June day when he was born. Or that might have been the June day when your twin aunts, Doris and Dorothy,were born.” I asked her if she’d rather play in the sand or the snow. “Neither.’ I asked if she could have one superpower, what it would be, and why. “Next question.” Is there anything you’d change in your life? “Yes, I’d like fewer questions.” What’s the greatest life lesson you’ve learned? Tell no one everything you know.” I tricked her into giving one answer: What do you think was the biggest change you’ve seen in your lifetime, other than family things, and how did it impact your life? I hoped it would prompt reflection. The answer came at a gallop. “Electricity.” Electricity gave her day at night, and she wondered why lanterns hadn’t burned every barn to the ground. What would you like to be remembered for? “Your Aunt Eddie has made her sugar cookies. They’re fresh from the oven. I want to be remembered as someone who gave you a plate of warm sugar cookies that your Aunt Eddie made.” The judge dismissed the witness. What would she say about being able to do her shopping, change the TV channel, open the garage door and correspond with the world without leaving the davenport? If I listened with both ears, I’d hear crickets. ©Al Batt 2025 
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1. Nino Salukvadze, who at age 55 competed in her 10th Olympics at the 2024 Paris Summer Games, participates in what sport?
2. The Conerly Trophy has been awarded annually since 1996 to the best college football player in what U.S. state? 3. Steve Phoenix, a pitcher for the Oakland Athletics in 1994-95, was born in what Arizona city in 1968? 4. What U.S. athlete won a gold medal in the 4x100 meter relay at the 1968 Mexico City Olympics and then was awarded the Bronze Star while serving with the U.S. Army in the Vietnam War? 5. Rosey Rowswell was the play-by-play radio voice of what Major League Baseball team from 1936 until his death in 1955? 6. Name the member of the 2006 NBA champion Miami Heat who won the NBA All-Star Three-Point Contest two straight years from 2007-08. 7. What Pro Football Hall of Fame cornerback retired after the 2013 season with an NFL career record 203 pass deflections? 
1. Shooting.
2. Mississippi. 3. Phoenix. 4. Melvin Pender Jr. 5. The Pittsburgh Pirates. 6. Jason Kapono. 7. Champ Bailey. © 2025 King Features Synd., Inc.
My First Beer!
Maury, your Mom, reminded me of this memory which I had related to her before you were born. It’s not only what happened, but more important, WHY. Grandpa will explain the “why” after telling you what occurred.
One day, when Grandpa was about sixteen or seventeen, I went for a haircut from the barber in our neighborhood. The barbershop was adjacent to a neighborhood tavern located in the same building. Only an inside door separated the barbershop from the tavern. After my haircut (it was a very warm summer day) I went through the door leading to the tavern, sat on a bar stool and ordered a nickel glass of beer. I had been in taverns before, delivering newspapers, etc., but had never ordered a drink. This was 1940 or ‘41. Draft beer was sold in nickel or dime glasses! Ray Nicks, the proprietor, who knew me said: “Just a minute.” He then walked to the other end of his long bar to a pay telephone on the wall. After calling a number I heard him say “Larry, (he had called my Dad!) Abe’s here and ordered a nickel beer – should I serve him?” A few moments later he started to chuckle, hung up the phone, drew a nickel glass of beer and served it to me at the other end of the bar. “What did my Dad (your Great Grandpa) say?” I asked. Ray replied: “If he has the nickel to pay for it, serve him. Otherwise tell him not to be using up a bar stool!” Maury, this event would never happen today because our culture has changed. Grandpa believes you are old enough (and bright enough!) to understand why this is true. At that time there were no I.D.s and no Dram Shop law. (Mom & Dad will explain). But most important, neighbors really cared about each other. Ray’s reasoning was if it’s O.K. with this kid’s parents that’s all that counts. Maury, Grandpa doubts that this would ever happen in today’s society! Much love, Grandpa 
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