Sports
It wasn’t a morel mushroom cloud
That’s no way for the weather to make friends.
A tornado hit my hometown on December 15. When I was a kid, we joked about a terrible explosion in town. The wind blew up the street. The tornado was no joke. It was frightening. I remember another frightening day in that fair city. Life was like it is today—considered by some to be the worst time ever. I was a young boy with brains of mush furthering my education at a grade school famed for producing Fulbright, Marshall, Rhodes, Goldwater and Truman scholars. No, wait, that was a different school. It was there I was instructed what to do in the case of an atomic bomb attack—put my head under my desk. Duck and cover. Those desks were indestructible. My melon found the company of petrified chewing gum comforting. I thought the best defense against the bomb was to be in bed when it went off. The bomb was scarier than the legendary bogeyman or brigades of hobgoblins and banshees. No one I knew, including me, had ever seen a bogeyman, hobgoblin or banshee, but I had seen the bomb. We were regularly shown an heirloom filmstrip about the bomb. The filmstrip, passed down from generation to generation, invariably burned in two and another splice was added to the numerous fixes already in place, making it possible for the film to pass through the projector. The filmstrip was poorly done, with monotone voices droning on about the effects of the bomb in a matter-of-fact way and the grafts adding a stutter. Even with those weaknesses, it was the most terrifying film I’d ever seen. I saw the flick so many times, I had it memorized. Even after seeing the film so often, it shocked me each time the mushroom cloud appeared on my classroom screen. One day, as the image of the mushroom cloud was on the screen, that screen decided, all on its own, to roll itself back up into its metal case. Whoosh, flap, flap, flap! It scared us poor, innocent children out of three years of life. Frantic hands were raised to request urgent visits to the lavatories. We had another recurrent happening. The fire drill. We practiced regularly what we’d do in case the tater tot hot dish in the lunchroom should catch fire. I knew what I’d do. I’d get a day off school. Our teacher told us we were to rise slowly from our desks, making sure all our instruments of learning were properly stored within our desks, and then we were to form a nice, straight line in the aisles. From that point, upon our fearless teacher’s signal, we were to exit the room in a calm and orderly fashion. Yes, that was what we were supposed to do. On another day, while I had my face buried in a riveting Dick and Jane book—I had suspected Sally to be the guilty party right from the start—I was unaware because we didn’t have cellphones then, that just a few blocks away, a fertilizer tank at a local elevator had a brief, but hot encounter with a grain dryer and exploded with such incredible heat it scorched the paint off a highway patrol car. The officer had brought a truck onto the scale to see if it was overweight. The explosion was loud enough to rattle the windowpanes of my grade school. I looked up from my book—poor Dick, he was put upon—towards the sounding glass. Then I saw it. It wasn’t a morel mushroom, which hadn’t yet been named the state mushroom. It was a mushroom cloud like the one I had seen in the crummy filmstrip. There was one big difference. This one was real. Someone somewhere was saying, “I told you this would happen.” My stomach found a place in my throat as I watched flames lick the sky. I panicked. My Dick and Jane book went flying. I didn’t know whether I should put my head under my desk or become part of a calm, uniform line leaving the hallowed halls. I decided to run screaming from the school—just like I did every other day. © Al Batt 2022 
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1. In 1955, what catcher and outfielder became the first Black player in New York Yankees history?
2. In an October 2000 NFL game dubbed “The Monday Night Miracle,” what team scored 30 points in the fourth quarter and sealed a 40-37 overtime win against the Miami Dolphins? 3. At the 1980 Lake Placid Winter Olympics, alpine skier Hanni Wenzel won the first two gold medals in the history of what small European country? 4. In 1994, Augusta National Golf Club banned what irreverent CBS golf analyst from broadcasting the Masters? 5. Hockey Hall of Famer Glenn Hall holds the NHL record for most consecutive regular-season games started by a goaltender with how many? 6. The Utah vs. BYU and Notre Dame vs. Boston College football rivalries have what nickname in common? 7. Santiago Bernabeu Stadium is home to what European professional football club? 
1. Elston Howard.
2. The New York Jets. 3. Liechtenstein. 4. Gary McCord. 5. 502. 6. The Holy War. 7. Real Madrid CF. © 2022 King Features Synd., Inc.
Spring football practice sessions conclude this week for Iowa football. There have been many encouraging signs, not the least of which is the quarterback position. Senior Spencer Petras looks much more comfortable with Brian Ferentz assuming position coaching duties. The Hawkeyes have also brought in former Wisconsin signal caller Jon Budmayr to help tutor Petras, Alex Padilla and Joey Labas. Budmayr played at Wisconsin from 2009-2013, spent six years on the Wisconsin staff and was the offensive coordinator and QB coach last season at Colorado State. At the moment Petras is a solid number one with Padilla the backup and redshirt freshman Labas in waiting.
Tailback Gavin Williams is the heir apparent to Tyler Goodsen who left a year early for the pros. Williams and LeShon Williams (no relation) averaged six yards a carry against Kentucky in the Citrus Bowl new Year’s Day. The wide receiver and tight end positions are deep and tested. All Big Ten performers Charlie Jones and Sam LaPorta will lead that group. Arland Bruce and Keegan Johnson had break out freshman years. The offensive line continues to be the main concern but not because of a lack of talent. All-American and Rimington award winner Tyler Linderbaum has left for the NFL. The Hawks have a number of candidates to replace the Solon mauler. The tackle position appears to be set with Jack Plumb, Nick DeYoung, Mason Richman and Tyler Elsbury. Connor Colby from Cedar Rapids Kennedy will occupy a guard slot. It remains a young line but healthy and coming on strong. On defense, Iowa is poised to be top five again with All-Americans, cornerback Riley Moss, linebacker Jack Campbell and a deep front line. The Hawkeyes led the nation with 24 interceptions last fall. Punter Tory Taylor returns with his 45 yard average and kicker Aaron Blom of Oskaloosa is in the lead to replace the graduated Caleb Shudak. Iowa will be a threat to repeat as Big Ten west division champs if it can discover a consistent offense, one that puts up 30 points a game. The Hawkeyes averaged 28 in their three wins over nationally ranked Indiana, Iowa State and Penn State on the way to a 10-2 regular season and conference title game appearance in Indianapolis. 
Why Joe’s Ball Landed in the RiverMaury, this is a humorous incident grandpa had forgotten until a conversation with an old bowling friend. In reminding me of what occurred, I suddenly thought of you because it’s a fun, true story. Here’s what happened.
For many years grandpa bowled on a team in the Classic League in Dubuque. A Classic League, anywhere, means it is a “scratch” (or no handicap) league under American Bowling Congress (ABC) rules. The best bowlers in any location are Classic League bowlers. The Club Esquire, a top supper club and lounge in East Dubuque, Illinois at that time, was our team’s sponsor. Our opponent on the night this happened was a team called “The King of Clubs.” Grandpa needs to explain, Maury, that it was rare for any Classic League bowler to total (for three games) less than a 500 count. But it did happen to us all, once in awhile. Joe Helling was his team’s anchor man, a member of the prestigious “700 Club” and one of the finest bowlers, not only in Dubuque, but in the state. It so happened he had bowled lower than 500 just once the previous year and again about a month before we bowled against them that night. Also, he had “publicly announced” in front of his many bowling friends that if he ever rolled that low a score again, with that same ball, he would throw it off the Dubuque-Wisconsin bridge! Well, Maury, that night he rolled another count “below 500” with the same ball! Grandpa and all my friends (drinking at the bar afterwards) were quick to remind him of his promise! It took some razzing and good natured kidding but suddenly (after several drinks!) Joe announced that if someone would drive him immediately to the Dubuque-Wisconsin Bridge he would throw his bowling ball into the Mississippi! Grandpa, immediately, told Joe he’d be happy to accommodate him! Maury, I remember driving Joe (with his bowling ball) plus “Boom Boom” (you remember our 2nd baseman) and another team member on that bridge about 11 p.m. that night. After stopping the car in the middle of the bridge we made sure no boats were passing underneath (a bowling ball weighs 16 pounds!) and then became witnesses to Joe dropping his ball into the river! The next morning I telephoned a friend and neighbor who was on the Telegraph Herald sports staff, Bill O’Neill. (Ask your mom if she remembers him as I recall she was about six or seven then!) I told him what happened and he immediately arranged to have Joe’s picture, taken on the beach under the bridge, appear in the sports section along with a human interest story on what happened, etc. Maury, hope you enjoyed this fun memory. Much love, Grandpa. |